If we own two houses, why are we homeless?

Yes, we're back at Hotel Occidental. I don't understand why, after our things just arrived two days ago, do we have to vacate NOW? They're tenting our place for termites (apparently, it's a preventative thing, and we have to vacate for three days). Of course, this all coincides with Penny's spay surgery. And Ollie is living at a kennel about 20 minutes northeast of our house.

The whole fumigation process is actually very interesting. The gas that kills the termites is actually colorless and odorless, but they use another warning agent afterwards that is like nerve gas. It makes you heave, vomit, and pass out. And, we had to pack up our medicine and all of our food in double impermeable plastic bags. So if you open our freezer, you'll find a huge montage of tater tots, car shaped chicken nuggets, and broccoli florets!

So we are basically living out of a 225 square foot room with a tv, bathroom, and "kitchenette." The hotel is all European-style, with showers down the hall. I especially love the IKEA furnishings. AND, the concierge ladies are so friendly--one gave me phone support in the form of a boyfriend on the other end of her cell phone! And we can walk to work. So what's better than that?

Fu(ton) Biters

Well, we went to the swap meet by the Sports Arena last weekend (a mix of old and new--kinda like a flea market), and we found this really cool dude named Viet who was selling futons. They were a decent price and quality, so we set up a delivery date for the next day (last Monday). The one we liked was dark wood with a funky modern design.

We had one full, chomp-free futon day, and then...




...termite infestation (in the form of a Frenchie named Penny)!

She CHOMPED the whole corner of one of the handles off.

Now, the dogs are in the Special Housing Unit (SHU, for all you prison wardens out there), flying "kites" to each other to send messages. When Lyn, the dog walker, comes, she lets them out of the kennels, and when she's done, back they go. They have actually been more calm as a result.

Go figure.

Penny...You'll be a woman...soon!

Well...

We sat Penny down and had "the talk" with her. Apparently, before we could pre-empt things with a speedy spay surgical intervention, she has begun her "monthlies." This basically means one of two things:

a) We buy her Puppy maxi pads at Petsmart, and remove them constantly so she can go to the bathroom
b) We cover all furniture with towels and hope for the best

We have opted for choice b. However, Penny's heat pheremones have caused our helplessly neutered Ollie to go into a tizzy of fruitless bed-humping. He grabs the bed (which is bigger than him), brings it to a wall or a corner, holds it in his teeth, and goes to town quite vigorously. It's like a regular Magic Kingdom episode in here. I can't deal.

Chris's response when he found out what was happening was, "Does this mean I have to run out and buy her chocolate and McDonald's now?"

Tsk, tsk.

Bond(e)...James Bond(e)...007.

Well, today was yet another eventful day of...errands. We woke at the "crack of Don" and went to Sears. They have a store here called "Sears Essentials," which essentially sells Wal-mart type stuff (including food). Anyway, before it was even 8am, we had purchased a washer and dryer. Woohoo. And then, we bought some powerstrippy adapters because all of our plugs are two prongs instead of three.

Whoa! You're saying...this is TOO MUCH excitement for one day, right? THEN, we met with the dogs' trainer and walker (are we yuppies?) and put together the BONDE TV unit. It is monolithic, and takes over the entire living room. Chris and I were a great team, and did not yell ONCE during the assembly of said unit.

We are proud.

Enjoy pics!

A Room With(out) a View

So this whole week is time for us to set up our classrooms and get organized. I am so excited, except for the fact that my classroom has only one window--that looks out onto the hallway! So, to remedy the situation, I decided to paint fluffy white cartoon-clouds on the powder blue walls, and I put down dark green indoor-outdoor carpeting on the floor (with Chris's help, of course!). I was quite handy with the utility knife, I must say! My original plan was to put down astroturf, but it was too flimsy and expensive. I got a couple of turf "throws" to make a reading area in a corner.

I'll post pics the next time I bring my camera to school!

Penie Gets Revenge

Well...after our session with the trainer, we decided to crate-train Ollie and PenPen, so that we can eliminate the "everything plush is a wee-wee pad" problem in our house. The only problem is that we are going to be away from the house for 10-12 hours at a time. Really, we shouldn't crate the dogs for longer than 4 hours, so we are probably going to have to hire a walker to come in the mid-afternoon. (If you do a cost analysis, things chewed plus the cost of weewee pads < the cost of hiring a walker for 5 hours a week).

So anyway, I went to PetSmart and bought two plastic crates that would be comfortable, but not too big. We tried them out by putting JumBones inside. The dogs were more than happy to oblige, and we slammed the doors shut. They stayed in for about three hours, chomping to their hearts' content, while we were home and in the same room. We wanted them to get accustomed to the crates in a "happy" way, instead of thinking of them as punishment.

THEN, we had to get the dogs on a real feeding schedule. But Penny can't be near Ollie when he eats, or she will go ballistic, snarling and attacking him. Even if she has her own food bowl...so I wake up, put Pen outside, give her a bowl of food, then put Ollie in the living room--out of eyeshot of Penny the Terrible--and they eat for about 10 mins. Then they both go outside for a bathroom break. Hopefully, we can get them trained to want to go outside more than inside...

Well, I don't know when this happened, but the dogs took revenge on the crates. I think they heard us talking about what we were going to do to them. When I woke up this morning, I saw that one of the plastic clips that holds the crate together was chomped to a flattened indistinguishable mess. They also went to town on the corners of the crates themselves.

And the trainer's "place" platform.

Bad.

Dogs.

The ___ is the new ___.

So, Chris and I--and now our CT visitors--have been trying to equate things on the west coast to things that we are already familiar with. So for example, we'd say, "Rosencrans Street (a strip of retail stores) is the new Exit 13 (Norwalk Wal-Mart exit). So then, of course, in typical Leach fashion, we took this joke to the extreme. You can only imagine what we came up with after about 10 minutes of trying. Feel free to add your own in the comments...

Anyway, I realized that I haven't added any pics of the completed green room. So, enjoy!

No PLACE like home...

Today the trainer came again...and we learned a new command that I'd never heard before: "Place." This command is basically used to get a dog to approach any object, and stay on that object (sitting, standing, lying) until "released." The object could be a park bench, a couch, a vet's scale...whatever.

PenPen went first. She was a quick learner. Basically, what we would do is put her on the 6' leash, and press/say "Penny, Place." Then, we'd gently guide her toward the platform until she went there. If she started to move in the right direction, we'd stop pulsing on the zapper and start praising. Then, we'd slacken the leash, start to walk away, and tempt her with distractions. In the end, she was "placing" practically on her own, and staying even with crackhead Ollie running Pugtonas around her.

Of course, when it was the Little Man's turn, things were quite different. I have to admit, I am softer with him on the discipline, because he just gives me these doleful puggy eyes, and he yelps in pain like an angry Mrs. Garrett calling Tootie. Anyway, we zapped him and he jumped and yelped, acting all melodramatic. He was digging his heels in, and James was practically yanking him at first. It was torture to watch, and I almost told him to stop. I told James that I saved Ollie's life, so it is hard to be this "cruel."

I know it's for his own good.

Here's a pic of the "place" mat!

Yin Yang Twins...The Barking Song (Let's see who gets the reference!)

First, here's a lil' Penlie (the new Brangelina) visual for ya: It will help you balance your yin and yang.

So I am back...bored for lack of tv...I have some sad news about PenPen. I went to the doctor the other day to get antibiotics for my bite, and they had to report Penny to animal control! They said it's no big deal, but if she has a track record of attacking people or other dogs, then they'd take action. Some animal control officer lady called me and asked a bunch of questions. It went something like this:

Evil Dog Lady Who Wants To Put Penny To Sleep: Hi, I am officer Blah Blah from San Diego Animal Control. Ma'am, I just have a few quesitons for you regarding this dog bite from..Penny?

Me: Yes?

Evil Dog Lady Who Wants To Put Penny To Sleep: Is your dog licensed, Ma'am?

Me: Actually, no. We just moved here from Connecticut.

Evil Dog Lady Who Wants To Put Penny To Sleep: Does she have a vet here in California?

Me: We've only been here for a week.

Evil Dog Lady Who Wants To Put Penny To Sleep: Is she current on her vaccinations?

Me: Yes, she had a health certificate in order to fly. She's had her rabies shot.

Evil Dog Lady Who Wants To Put Penny To Sleep: Ma'am, you'll have to call blah blah blah and check that your rabies is compatible with California rabies vaccines. Then you have to license your dog. She needs to be spayed, as well.

Me: I know...but...

Evil Dog Lady Who Wants To Put Penny To Sleep: Also, she needs to be quarantined for eleven days...

Me: ???

Evil Dog Lady Who Wants To Put Penny To Sleep:...but, since you're the owner, you just have to keep her in the house. Don't let her interact with other dogs or people.

Me: I just want you to know, I got a trainer the very next day, and we have them on training collars, and...

Evil Dog Lady Who Wants To Put Penny To Sleep: You have another dog???

Me: Yes...?

Evil Dog Lady Who Wants To Put Penny To Sleep: What breed? What's his name?

Me: *sigh* Ollie, Pug.

Evil Dog Lady Who Wants To Put Penny To Sleep: Just call blah blah blah, get your dogs licensed, get the California rabies, (sit on the group W bench), and call us back. Thanks.

*Click*

Me. *Huhhhhhhhhhhhhh. IDIOT!"

The Green Room: West Coast Edition

So on Friday, we decided to surprise Chris by transforming the one-car garage into a new “green room” for him. Here’s the deal: under the “house”, there is a four-car garage. Two of the slots are for the detached condo, and the other side is divided in half with a sheetrock wall, making a room that is roughly 9 X 17. The other two walls are made of poured concrete, and the door is a sliding wood door, like those old sliding closet doors. So, theoretically, if our neighbor wanted to open his garage, Chris could be stuck in his room!

Anyway, Matt and wanted to mount studs into the concrete and cover the walls with plywood so that Chris could have a place to attach his collection of memorabilia. I came up with the idea of mounting pegboard—with hooks--on the top, and then we decided to use ply on the bottom, with a molding and a drink rail running around the seam (so it’s like a white trash wainscoting). Then, we decided upon the plushest Astroturf for the floor (his “little piece of (Astro)turf!”) We selected a shade of green called “shamrock,” so the whole room will be green. I followed Matt around Home Depot for like 3 hours. It was exhausting. That boy deliberates for 30 minutes on which utility knife to buy!

We were hoping to have the whole project done by the time Chris got home, but we hit some snags. When I picked Chris up at the airport, he was talking about how he wanted to fix his green room up, so he’d have a place to feel at home. I was smiling all the way home. When we opened up the garage, and he saw all of the supplies, he was so excited. He was able to help Matt throw up the wood, and now they just have to prime, paint, and lay down the turf. They’re talking about building a bar along the right side of the room, running lengthwise, and using the back half as a lounge area. Chris is in heaven!

The Farmer in the Beach...The FARMER in the Beach...Hi Ho

Ho?

It turns out that each Wednesday from 4-8 in the summer (4-7 in other "seasons"), there is a huge farmer's market in OB. It takes up three or four blocks on both sides of Newport Ave, all the way to the water from Cable St. I was expecting to see a bunch of hippies selling hemp shoes or something, but this was organized and HUGE! They had fresh fruits and vegetables, honey, oils (bath, aromatheraputic, and cooking), breads and cakes...and all kinds of exotic foods made to order. Mmm...I had visions of Farmer's Market in Union Square in October. *sigh*

Then, I got a surprise call from Taylor. Turns out that he and Brice--AND my car--were going to be coming into town early due to poor weather conditions in New Mexico. They were supposed to build some hiking trail at like 10,000 feet in some isolated park, but there were Monsoon (not Monsen)-like rains, so that was that. Needless to say, when my WRX rolled up onto Ebers Street, it looked like it was splattered in hot fudge. Ewww...

So, we hit the town, with Brice as our tourguide, doing the whole Mission Beach thing. It's not far from here, and the boardwalk is very chill. The only thing I know about Mission Beach is that it is near Sea World (and the fireworks), and that I always inadvertently wind up there when I am trying to turn east toward the mainland. We had a few drinks at his local bar, harrassed Summer, the flu-ridden, overworked waitress, and hit The Tilted Stick in OB.

Now, The Tilted Stick has got to be the coolest bar. And I don't even drink. They have rules posted about dog ettiquite. So as long as PenPen and Ollie don't make Play-Doh poos (or pees) on the floor, or attack other dogs (thanks, e-collar), they are welcome. And Chris likes the $1.50 Miller High Life drafts. Win-win. Chris wants to wait until we have become true locals before bringing the unpredictable likes of O and P, and I see his point.

Anyway, Matt and Brice were so helpful with my interior design quagmire. It turns out that I can decorate anyone else's place, but I freeze up when it comes to our own. So we decided to put a wall of bookcases in the BR to save wall space in the LR. And, I am putting my desk in the dining room, making it an office/studio. The living room will be divided into two spaces--an eat-in area, and a TV area. Yay. Brice even gave me advice on the paint chip selection dilemma, while Matt was all, "You know how I know you two are gay? Because you are talking about paint chips on a Saturday night...AND you have a framed Asia poster in your bedroom."

Here is a pic of Penny wearing her "don't shoot me" orange e-collar. I WISH I could show video of Ollie getting buzzed, because it's priceless. It's worth the cost of a JetBlue ticket. I promise.

Penny Redeems Herself

Well, we (as in Penny, Ollie and I) had our first long session with our trainer. We hooked up the stun-guns...I mean, "buzzer" collars, and were good to go. We put Ollie in the backyard so he wouldn't distract Penny. He started scratching on the door, and ZZZZZZZZZZap! James hit the "page" button (like the vibrate function on your cellphone), and Ollie made a sound like a parrot being bludgeoned to death...The trainer warned me that Ollie would try to play the "guilt" card...

Then the training began. It's interesting. You use the zapper remote to get the dog's attention, not just to correct bad behavior. For instance, when I wanted Penny to come, I would say, "Penny, come." and simultaneously press the button. Her whole body language would change--her tail and ears were tucked back, and she followed me around the room. It didn't take long for her to get it. Then, we tried the same for Ollie. He was a bit more stubborn, but he got it, too. We tried the "wait" command: We would open the door, and when the dog(s) would try to dart out, we'd say, "wait," shut the door, and press the button at the same time. Very tricky, when you're holding a retractable leash. And also tricky with only one remote with an a/b switch that corresponds to each dog's specific collar.

Then we took Pen for her road test. Basically, we would correct any wrong motion by going the other way. So if she jumped ahead, we'd suddenly turn around. If she went to the right, we'd go left--accompanied by the "zap!" It wasn't long before she was happily trotting at my heels, walking calmly past James's two dogs. I was in shock!

Later, I took Pen down Newport to go get some peroxide. We must have passed 10 dogs, and she was great! Some passerby gave me a nasty look once she got a look at the flourescent collar and saw the remote in my hand. I wanted to lift my pants leg and be all, "Look at what she DID to me!" But I just tucked my tail and ears, and kept walking down the street.